TheVermontJournal

Dear Journal,

I don’t know why this really hit me today but it did. I could totally change my life and my sons life at any point with just one decision… Sometimes I limit myself with thoughts such as “I could’nt do that” or “I can’t afford x,y,z..” but what this does is it completly shuts down any alternative options or supports that are out there to do the thing you said you cannot do.

I also, sometimes just forget that even though I’ve put energy into my current life and I like my home, my friends, and most of my days, it doesn’t mean I can’t make a change if I wanted to… It doesn’t erase the past work and effort, it just begins a new chapter.

There is this thing that happens when people are in relationships.. (and honestly for this post, I am not talking about changing any relationships for myself because I am single, but I want to use this as an example).. when people have been married for 3, 5, 10, 25 years or have been dating for a while and they are just unhappy and unfulfilled but they stay because they already invested x amount of time and are afraid of wasting that time by starting over or ending the relationship.

But here’s the thing: TIME IS NOT UNLIMITED & YOU CANNOT GET IT BACK. So if you are unhappy and you continue to commit to something the same way you have been, you are wasting time or atleast choosing to invest more time being unhappy. OR, maybe you aren’t unhappy but want to explore something else in this lifetime, you have to make the choice to either give up that desire and stay or give up what you know, and dare to make a change for something different.

What Have I Been Contemplating Changing in my Life?

Moving.

One small word that would create the biggest change of my life.

Here is the thing: I have moved west before and it didn’t work out for so many unpredicted reasons including prenatal depression, job issues, and inedequate funds.

I literaly came back to Vermont with less than $500 in my bank account and all my belongings stolen on the drive home – after declaring months earlier that I wouldn’t be back for years. It was totally embarrasing and humbling to move back to my parents neighborhood (I lived across the street from them) and sending a text to get my college bartending job back.

But, I wouldn’t change the experience I had as it made me wholely appreciate Vermont in a way I wouldn’t have been able to do so before. The experience taught me so much about myself, too.

OK…. If It Turned Out Bad Before, Why Do It Again?

I want my son and I, to experience more of the world.

Vermont is beautiful and wonderful in so many ways but it is also small, rural, and limited in a lot of ways for people who grow up here. My son is about to be in kindergarten and I am not sure I want him to have the same experience I did.

I was in a relationship before that didn’t support my experience when I moved before… This time its just me (and my son) and that’s positive.

It can be easier to move with another person because their income can help to support the cost of living for the two of you just like your income helps support them, too. However, when you include someone else in your dreams, you have to deal with their shit too.

If they lose a job, it’s on you. If they get a DUI, it’s on you. If they get injured, it’s on you. Basically, you are responsible for them (in addition to yourself) when something goes wrong.

So, being alone this time (other than my son), is really positive in my mind because I know that I take care of my own shit and do what is nessesary to make something like a move, a success.

I already lived through the worst case scenerio and I was ok.. embarrassed, sad, broken in some ways… but I became whole again and no one died.

This time I can be more strategic because I know what went wrong the first time. I can plan for the unpredictable. I have an honest view of what moving would be like this time. I also learned that things sometimes do go bad but fear is ok. I won’t die. I will continue to move forward. It will be ok.

I want to move again because it could lead to unexpected positive experiences that I would never otherwise experience.

I’ve grown up in Vermont. I have lived here as an adult almost 10 years. I know what is HERE. I know its beauty, its restrictions, its peace, its future.

But, I don’t know what could be out there for me and my son.

Life is a borrowed moment of time.

Emma Feix Alberts

Decide, Plan, Jump My Friend

Whatever it is you are contemplating, if you know in your heart that it could be really wonderful for you and you feel a pull to do the thing, listen to your intuition, meditate on it, and then decide to do it (or not if it doesn’t feel right).

Then, plan. Don’t be impulsive and don’t rush the timing. Go when it makes the most sense but know that it is never going to be perfect. Imperfect but pretty good is the best time.

Then, jump. Do not let the fear stop you right as you approach the cliff. Book the moving truck, have the converstation, interview for the new job, or put in your notice.

LIFE IS TO PRECIOUS TO WAIT IN INDECISION.

Love Always,

Yours.